Chronicles of Bernkastel and Lambdadelta
by DSC-Fate
Summary: Guest Starring: Erika Furudo. Several drabbles featuring everyone's favorite witches of miracles and certainty! WARNING: Magical reality warper trolling psycho-yandere loli's inside!
1. Curiosity

''Seriously, stop it Lambda.''

''Nu-uh, I want to see how much more I need to extend it before it breaks.''

''As the witch of the miracles, I say that it won't resist anymore.''

Just as the blue haired girl in the black and white dress finished talking, the multicolored slinky the blonde girl with a pink dress was holding broke and shoot off in different directions, one half knocking an expensive-looking vase from its stand while the other landed right next to the girl with the blue hair.

''... I suppose I can now say with certainty that a slinky can only be extended 5.78 feet before it breaks!'' Proudly exclaimed Lambdadelta after an awkward silence. Then eyed her companion ''But then again, if Bern hadn't meddled in, maybe it could have extended way more.''

Bernkastel continued sipping tea from her cup before answering ''Even if I hadn't interfered, that toy would have eventually broken after being forced to extend several times it's original length. As the witch of certainty you should really be aware of that, Lambda.''

Lambdadelta shot Bernkastel an angry look while she pouted ''Even so, don't tell me you have never been curious about a toy so much you want to break it just to know how it works! Of course in the end it would be rendered useless, but you would no longer be plagued by that curiosity!'' Lambdadelta flailed her arms enthusiastically while speaking.

''As a cat I am inquisitive by nature, but if I had to choose something to break to satisfy my curiosity , I think I would choose something that had guts and blood.'' Deadpaned Bernkastel.

Lambdadelta just shook her head and tsked ''As expected of you Bern, you are never happy if you are not eviscerating something, are you?''

Bernkastel just chuckled and continued drinking her dried-plum tea.


	2. Cake

Fragment #36504702762567889

''You know Lambda? I have been wondering something.''

Lambdadelta lifted her eyes from the delicious and cute looking piece of cake decorated with pink and white frosting she was eating and eyed her friend, Bernkastel. Then she bringed a piece of the cake to her mouth with a tiny silver fork and started chewing the sweet treat.

''What is it, Bern?'' Asked Lambda while speaking with her mouth full.

Bern wrinkled her nose at the sight of some crumbs flying as her friend talked, but otherwise didn't mention it being rude table manners. ''Seeing you eating that cake right now brought back a question I have been meaning to ask you for quite a while now.''

Lambdadelta blinked once. Twice. Then her lips curved into a smug smile and her eyes brightened. It was almost like Bernkastel had decided to give Lambda her hand. And wrist. And arm.

''Whyyy Bern... It was about time you asked me for my three sizes! I know it's hard to believe, but I still have the sizes of a fashion model even with all this sweets!''

Bernkastel resisted the urge to facepalm. ''Not that you idiot, I have been wondering that, if your body is actually made of sweets, candy and cotton candy then eating cake wouldn't be considered cannibalism in your case?''

Then the sound of a metallic utensil falling to the ground was heard.


	3. Ice Cream

Fragment #56146745

It started just as an innocent question: Would you like Ice Cream?

Lambdadelta had asked for strawberry and vanilla Ice cream, Featherine Au...Augah... AuAu like her master called her had asked for something fruity... 'Lemon Ice cream is it then'.

So when Erika had to choose some ice cream for her Master she remembered that dry plum ice cream totally doesn't exists.

* * *

''You totally found it! I was sure in this fragment the strawberry and vanilla flavor was rare.'' Lambdadelta then proceeded to conjure a spoon out of thin air before devouring the whole container.

'Is she really a thousand year old witch?' Thought Erika upon seeing Lambdadelta stuff her whole face with ice cream. Sadly for her, she didn't had the time to think about it.

''Did you brought my ice cream Erika?'' Bernkastel had materialized just behind Erika, cutting the escape routes for the witch of truth. Taking a deep breath, Erika decided to be honest with her master.

''There was no dry plum ice cream on that market or the entire fragment, master''

And even if her facial expression didn't change, Erika knew Bernkastel was angry at her failure. Very, very, VERY angry.

''Didn't I warn you Erika? That if you failed I would grab those chopsticks you love so much and pierce your eardrums with them until they touch in the middle of your head? Or that I would use them as cue sticks to play pool with your eyeballs?''

Yes, she remembered very well. Thats why she had come prepared with plan B.

''While there was no dry plum ice cream, master, I brought you something that clearly could be superior to that''.

Erika then took out of the bag a jar of cold mayonnaise, a bottle of soy sauce and a bag of dry plums.

After an ominous silence and while eyeing the three items... Bernkastel grabbed the three items and mixed them... Creating something totally repulsing for normal humans but that it might actually be delicious for her.

And then, she took a bite of her... ''Treat''.

''Erika.''

The witch of truth contained her breath. ''Yes, Master?''

''This is totally delicious.''

And proceeded to release her breath in relief.

''However, I know from the beggining that dry plum ice cream don't exist. It was just an excuse to gouge your eyes to play pool with Lambda.''

Then a pool table appeared in middle of the room.

* * *

_Probably it is worse than the other I have wrote, but kinda wanted to write something._


	4. Mystery

The city of books was normally an unusually quiet place in the first place, so when one night Erika woke up to something sounding like a lawnmower of course she was startled.

'This is strange' she thought, and with a good reason: Lady Featherine didn't really tolerate loud noises in her realm. Anything louder than a murmur was certain to incite her wrath and rewrite the offensor's story.

So she got out of her bed, grabbed her shoes and started walking in the direction the mysterious sound was coming, her detective senses alert and ready to attack anything that dared to harm the Witch of Truth.

But even the Witch of Truth wasn't prepared to see Lady Lambadelta, wearing a cute pink nightshirt and pumpkin shaped slippers.

''Ugh, let me guess: You can't sleep because that terrible sound too, Lady Lambdadelta?''

Lambdadelta seemed puzzled by the sudden question and frowned. 'Terrible sound'?

Then literally a lightbulb appeared over her head.

''Oooooh... So you don't really know, Erika?''

It was now the time for Erika to frown ''Know what? Do you know the source of this horrible and disgusting sound?''

Lambdadelta was practically grinning by now ''Yes I do. Come, let the great and cute Lady Lambdadelta help you resolve this mystery'' And then she started skipping in a certain direction.

Five minutes later they were standing in front of a door that was practically a scratch post for the feline familiars.

''Go on, the answer it's inside'' Encouraged Lambdadelta.

Erika didn't wait another second and yanked open the door. But upon seeing what was inside her eyes became wide with fear and closed the door immediatly.

''M-m-my master snores?!'' Erika was still trying to calm down her rapidly beating heart.

Lambda just flashed a grin. ''Yup. And she also sleeps naked.''


End file.
